From The Mind Of Ray...

Meanwhile, I have a really big hankering for Post Apocalyptic RPGing. Pity that I always have to GM and never play. :-(

See how I do in the following days/weeks.

Current Mood: sore

Big ups and downs, I'm amazed that I don't get nauseous more often.

Leveling out now, I hope. Big things ahead, with luck and skill.

Second-guessing myself as always.

Need to learn to relax.

Current Mood: sleepy

Lots of pain and work, but I've gotten my elbow to bend almost as much back as it used to. Painfully, however. It still won't go straight, either.

It feels heavier than my other arm. The one that doesn't have surgical-grade stainless steel parts. Which is probably why I feel the weight. Not all of it is physical, however. It feels, it makes me feel older. Not a good thing for someone that already feels old before his age...

Another event deeply scarring me. And I'm not talking about my physical scars. I have few of those in comparison...

Current Mood: depressed

Sorry haven't posted much. Lots going on, but it's all waiting it seems. Other than that, pain in my arm. Exercises don't help, as they hurt me too.

Sleeping a lot again. Rest, healing, all that good stuff. So far, there isn't any new mobility in my arm yet. See what happens in the coming weeks.

Current Mood: sore

Long as I can remember, I've always felt older than my years. Don't know why, but that's how it's always been. Wasn't so bad as a child, I got respect from open-minded adults.

When I hit 20, and felt 40, however, that wasn't so good. It's been getting better, I haven't felt as bad these last few years, as if I was finally catching up with my "felt" age.

But with the arm break, and the metal holding my dominant elbow together, I feel much, much older. I can feel the extra weight on my arm, dragging me down.

I'm not mature for my age, I know that. Socially, I'm immature, maladjusted, hell downright broken when it comes down to it. Other ways as well.

As constantly goes through my head: "All the wrong choices for all the right reasons."

Current Mood: sore

Rule #9: Never go anywhere without a knife.
Rule #16: If someone thinks they have the upper-hand …break it!
Rule #18: It's better to seek forgiveness than ask permission.
Rule #27: Two ways to follow: First way, they never notice you — Second way, they only notice you.
Rule #35: Always watch the watchers.
Rule #40: If it seems someone is out to get you, they are.

And remember… "A slap to the face is an insult — to the back of the head is a wake-up call."

Current Mood: sore
Current Music: http://www.hardradio.com/

Cast is off, arm held together by hardware. Now to see how much I've lost in the way of use of the arm.

Broke my arm last...

Ow.

Stupid painkillers don't do near jack.

Been fragile for a few days. Unable to get out, not even wanting to leave my bed. But it's part of healing, so is a good thing. Sorta.

Things are shifting, constantly in motion. So, that's good too, I guess.

Book is still selling well, which surprises me. I figured a week or two at most. But, hey, there it is.

See what else I can squeeze out of the diseased and pus-filled organ I call a brain.

Broke my funk at last sometime yesterday. I hate it when I get like that.

I can feel it trying to creep back in, sliding in the back alleys of my mind like some thief in the night. With bolt cutters.

Putting forward all this effort, as bad as trying to stay in school was, and I am improving. I just hope I do it before time and age steals away anything and everything from me.